Open Question: Am I going crazy...or am I right? What is next?
My boyfriend & I have been dating for a little over 6 years. We have been living together for 3 & a half years. I thought we would be engaged if not married by now when we first moved in together. We bought a home together 5 months ago.(great deal very close to his work apartment life is bad) We have a ring picked out. There is $50 left on it he says its better that the jeweler keeps it till he's ready its safe there. But still makes comments about "marriage is stupid its just a piece of paper." "Why would I receive married when I have everything I want it won't change anything" etc. I told him last week he will "miss me when I'm gone" we got in a bit of a battle about, he said if I leave don't arrive back. I promised I wouldn't be coming back!! I told him everyone told me he wouldn't respect me marry me unless he seen what he had. I haven't worn my promise ring (that I wore for over 5 years from him since our anniversary. So needless to say I didn't tell him but I picked a date. If he doesn't propose by my date. I'm cutting my loses & leaving! I keep telling myself I'm going to do it! It seems like so much has happened in the last 8 months I kept making excuses to myself why he hasn't asked. (motorcycle wreck, bought a home, he got laid off, I worked 2 full time jobs, the death of his dad, speeding ticket where he is going to lose his license.) I'm always there to pick up the pieces. I thought that would make him want to be with me more. (he is working now but its not a good job like he had before) I know marriage isn't going to "fix" everything in the world but for me it seems like its the next step. My mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer when she was in her very early 30's my parents wanted 6 kids. Only ended up with 2. I have already had abnormal cells in my paps test. I'm so scared to turn into my mom before I even have any kids. My mom tells me every the time her biggest regret was not marrying my dad when he asked the first time. They would have had more time to have kids. I'm 22. Now I want to be married & have a baby before the age of 25-26. Thats only 3-4 years away. Right now after everything that happened with his dad is family is taken up alot of his time. His mom going crazier & crazier every day. His sisters getting snobbier & ruder every day. I'm currently not speaking to 1 of his sisters after horrible battle. She is no longer welcome in "our" home. I know he has to take care of his family but its cutting into a lot of our life. (his sisters are 18 & 20) I want to be there for them but at the same time I can't put my life on hold either. Am I crazy for wanting every this or am I right? I told my boyfriend I want to take the next step but not really the things about my mom why (he does know it happened).... He isn't sure if he wants kids some days he does some days he doesn't. I feel like the next couple months if not weeks are going to change alot....I'm scared but I feel like I need to look out for myself!! I adore him with every my heart. I'm scared to be with out. But I don't want to miss out on what I have wanted since I was a little girl. Other then his comments about no wanting marriage we are very glad. So many people always say they wish they had our relationship. We are "perfect" together. Any advice. I'm really looking for something to make me think I'm doing the right thing and/or where to go next? When we first moved in together with in 6 months I was leaving ring flyers around the home stuff like that. First xmas living together he bought me a ring....a few months later he told his pal I over heard it was supposta close me up for at least a year. So I went right back to ring shopping. Yes my ring was very expensive but I picked out others he didn't like those. He has been paying on my ring for about a year & 2 months. Since I have quit wearing my ring he wears his promise ring on his left ring finger alot.